O're the waters...

Dear mama, I'm finally going back to Robbinswold I can't wait.
What an emotional experience it is going to be.
I wonder if I will find the letter you tucked away at Barnacle Bay for me.
I will see you there.
I love you mom.

[Update!!]

Mama!! I made it to P. Point! You were there with the seals just waiting for me weren't you? Yep, I know mom, I know. (:

tomato

today i drank tomato juice with my lunch.
i was sitting at the dining room table enjoying the view out of the sunroom.
the crystal blue of the sound. the sparkling water like tiny crystals.
smiling at the picture of you on the mantle.
i took a sip of the juice and breathed in the strong scent of tomatoes.
and suddenly i was back in 2004-back from camp and you and i were outside together.
sitting out on the gazebo deck sipping lemonade, scotty swinging in the hammock nearby.
frosty and bruno running around the neighborhood and dad at Costco no doubt.
and your cherry tomatoes in a delicious salad you prepared for us. yumm.
you and i laughing and chatting and catching up like best friends do.
enjoying the company like moms and daughters do.

and then...the memory was over.
aug. 22nd 09: you have been gone for 13 months.
perhaps that's why you sent me a memory today.
thank you mama.

Today I am smiling.
I have laughed, screamed, smiled, lived.
Today I remember what it's like to be happy again.

I love you mom. (In Loving Memory)

Here we go. I've put my heart and soul into this vid. Pretty much like I do with all of my work that relates to my mama. I miss her something terrible and I'm sure after this loads, I'll have a good long cry. I love you mama, this one's for you.

There is a way out.

I see the path, from this dark place.
I see my future.

I want a mom. My mom.

It's funny how the lyrics of a song can grasp your soul and really speak to you. It's even amazing how some of those certain songs have a way of finding you when you didn't you were looking. I've never heard this song before. (That's not saying much though haha.) It really got to me yesterday though when I first heard it and listened to the lyrics. I love words. It made me angry. It made me sad. It made me jealous. It made me remember. Today, August 16, is the birthday of one of my mom's dearest friends who is also having a really hard time without my mom. She raised her family with the same morals and understanding like mine. And she always looked to my mom for guidance. I love Kimberly, though she has her own family, se promised my mama as she was passing away that she would look out for my brother and I. And she certainly has. So, while I do not have my mom down here on earth, I have an earth mom that loves me very much. Though there is nothings like your own mother, mine just isn't here anymore. But she's the best guardian angel I could ever ask for. So I have a mom and and angel mom. One mom watches the rainbows with me, while the other one makes them. :)
So here's to you Kimberly. I love you very much. Happy Birthday!
And to you mama. I love you so much. This song. These lyrics are for you. I miss you.

"I want a mom that will last forever. I want a mom to make it all better
I want a mom that will last forever. I want a mom who will love me whatever

I want a mom to take my hand. And make me feel like a holiday
A mom to tuck me in that night and chase the monsters away
I want a mom that'll read me stories And sing a lullaby.
And if I have a bad dream to hold me when I cry

I want a mom that will last forever. I want a mom to make it all better
I want a mom that will last forever. I want a mom that will love me whatever, forever

When she says to me, she will always be there. To watch and protect me I don't have to be scared
Oh, and when she says to me I will always love you. I won't need to worry 'cause I know that it's true

I want a mom when I get lonely. Who will take the time to play
A mom who can be a friend and a rainbow when it's gray
I want a mom to read me stories And sing a lullaby
And if I have a bad dream, to hold me when I cry

I want a mom that will last forever. I want a mom to make it all better
I want a mom that will last forever. I want a mom that will love me whatever, forever."

I want my mom...
But I do have one. A few actually. And they will be there for me until mine will take me up in her arms for eternity and never let me go. Never again.