18 months

It seems like we just honored her on her 1 year marker, now 6 more months has already come and gone. I admit that yes, the pain isn't as sharp and intense, but the fact that the most important woman in my entire life is gone, that pain is still strong as ever.

It makes me so mad when I see other moms and daughters together on her anniversaries. I can handle the other days just fine, and usually take pleasure and relief seeing other moms and their daughters together. And I'm happy to see others with a relationship like the one I had with my mom. Can I say have still? Yes, yes I can.

My life is changing, faster and faster, and so many things are going through my mind that I need to talk to her about. Things that I want to talk to her about. Anniversary days like these, they are bittersweet. I wake up wanting and knowing to honor and remember her, and hit the pillow again at night with puffy red eyes wishing I could just screw it all and have my mom back.

I know I sound vain and full of it, but I had...have a truly amazing mom. I was so blessed, many young women can only dream of the mom that I had. She was just...amazing. So caring, so giving, so loving. And not just to Scotty and I, if she felt you needed a mom, or weren't getting enough love from the one you had, she'd love you. My mom, she was the best.

You were and always will be mama. I miss you with all my heart mommy, don't forget me.