18 months

It seems like we just honored her on her 1 year marker, now 6 more months has already come and gone. I admit that yes, the pain isn't as sharp and intense, but the fact that the most important woman in my entire life is gone, that pain is still strong as ever.

It makes me so mad when I see other moms and daughters together on her anniversaries. I can handle the other days just fine, and usually take pleasure and relief seeing other moms and their daughters together. And I'm happy to see others with a relationship like the one I had with my mom. Can I say have still? Yes, yes I can.

My life is changing, faster and faster, and so many things are going through my mind that I need to talk to her about. Things that I want to talk to her about. Anniversary days like these, they are bittersweet. I wake up wanting and knowing to honor and remember her, and hit the pillow again at night with puffy red eyes wishing I could just screw it all and have my mom back.

I know I sound vain and full of it, but I had...have a truly amazing mom. I was so blessed, many young women can only dream of the mom that I had. She was just...amazing. So caring, so giving, so loving. And not just to Scotty and I, if she felt you needed a mom, or weren't getting enough love from the one you had, she'd love you. My mom, she was the best.

You were and always will be mama. I miss you with all my heart mommy, don't forget me.

Watty's 4mo. marker.

I Believe...Then End of a Decade

One day I'll hear, the laugh of children. In a world where war has been banned. One day I'll see men of all colors sharing words of love and devotion. Stand up and feel the Holy Spirit, find the power of your faith. Open your heart, to those in need, in the name of love and devotion. Yes, I believe.
I believe in the people of all nations to join and to care for love. I believe in a world where light will guide us. And giving our love we'll make Heaven on Earth.

I can't believe it's the end of another decade. Geez, I'm starting to feel old now that I'm starting to be able to say, "Yep, another decade." Yikes. I must say I'm sad to see this one go. I feel like with it's ending, it's taking the memories of my mama with it. I don't want to start a whole new decade without her.

I believe in the people of all nations to join and to care for love. I believe in a world where light will guide us. And giving our love we'll make Heaven on Earth.

But time keeps going. It knows no happiness or sadness, it just knows to keep going forward. It can't stop or slow down for anyone or anything. So in the words of my mama, "Here's to a better year." and to a better decade too mom. :) Yes.

I believe in the people of all nations to join and to care for love. I believe in a world where light will guide us. And giving our love we'll make Heaven on Earth.

I Believe...

Savvy! n' Irish

12-26 (again)

It's December 26th yet again, and 22 years ago I was born.

And 2 years ago today, I had a mom who made this day special.

I really truly loved my birthday until my mom died. I love Christmas, I always have. There have always been 3 days of nonstop Christmas fun that most other families don't have. Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Katie's Birthday. In my mom's eyes that was nonstop party and boy was it great. I've been doing a lot better in the grieving department, and yesterday was absolutely bomb, but today has been hard. I mean, today is my birthday and my mom isn't here. Happy Birthday me.

Pro's: Dad, Scotty, and I (and a gorgeous picture of mom) had our family portrait today. :)

Con's: I look like crap!

Pro's: Mama Kim and Kayla took me out for a fun night.

Con's: Nine was really bad.

Pro's: Had a sleepover with the bestie the night before and a tasty birthday breakfast.

Con's: The bestie had to work on my freakin' birthday!!

Final pro (no con): My dad and brother made me a beautiful birthday cake and wonderful gifts.

Bless Us All

Life is full of sweet surprises. Everyday's a gift. The sun comes up and I can feel it lift my spirits. Fills me up with laughter. Fills me up with song. I look into the eyes of love and know that I belong. (Chorus) Bless us all, who gather here. The loving family I hold dear. No place on earth, compares with home. And every path will lead me back from where I roam. Bless us all, and as we live, we always comfort and forgive. We have so much, that we can share. With those in need we see around us everywhere. Let us always love each other, lead us to the light. Let us hear the voice of reason, singing in the night. Let us run from anger. And catch us when we fall. Teach us in our dreams and please, yes please, bless us one and all. Bless us all. With playful years. With noisy games and joyful tears. We reach for You, and we stand tall and in our prayers and dreams we ask You bless us all.

We reach for you. And we stand tall. And in our prayers and [Christmas] dreams, we ask You, bless us all.
Merry Christmas!
2009

The Christmas Wish

I don't know if you believe in Christmas. (At all.) Or if you have presents, underneath the Christmas tree. But if you believe in love, that will be more then enough for you to come and celebrate with me. For I have held the precious gift that love brings even though I never saw a Christmas star. For I know there is a light. I have felt it burn inside and I have seen it shining from a far. Christmas is the time to come together. A time to put all differences aside. And I reach out my hand, to the family of man, to share the joy I feel at Christmas time. For the truth that binds us all together. I would like to say a simple prayer. That at this special time, you will have true peace of mind, and love to last throughout the coming year.
And if you believe in love, that will be more then enough for peace to last throughout the year...and peace on earth shall last throughout the year.

Anderson family, I truly do love you.

Merry Christmas.

I saw three ships a sailing by. On Christmas day. On Christmas day. I saw three ships a sailing by, on Christmas day in the morning! (My mom would be lovin' these cookies right here. :)

Where would I be without either of 'em?

I've got my toes in the water. Bum in the sand. Not a worry in the world, a cold drink in my hand. Life is good today. Life is good today. (:

Adios en vaya con dios, yes I'm leaving today. And if it weren't for tequila and really hot senor-a's (lol) I'd have no reason to stay.

Adios en vaya con dios, yes I'm leaving today. Gonna lay in the hot sun, I'm ready for some fun, gotta grab my guitar and play.

Oh someone do me a favor, please pass me the Jager, and I'll grab my guitar and play.

(Or I'll just knock a few back with my girl Lindsey. If I can't be at the beach, this'll do just fine)

That's how mom would do it

Jeannie Anderson & Alice Rhoda's Chocolate Chip cookies

MIX

3 eggs

2 sticks of sweet cream butter

2 table spoons of vanilla

1 cup suger

1/2 cup brown sugar

ADD

3 cups flour

2 teaspoons salt

2/3 teaspoons cream of tar tar

ADD

1/2 cup chocolate chips

1/2 cup white chocolate chips

1/4 cup butterscotch chips

1/4 cup peanut butter chips

BAKE at 350

TIME it for 20 minutes

ENJOY

Oh mom would be proud

Santa bay-bay!

Now THAT'S one smart Santa. Although, he seems to be a bit of a lush. I say, he drank that lemon drop awfully fast. Oh Christmas, I look so much more forward to you this year. I am reclaiming my month. Here's to a better Christmas. Katie's back!!

The best music is the kind one creates themselves.

Today I sat down at our upright grand piano for the first time since my mother passed away. It was as if no time had passed at all. My fingers were gliding effortlessly across the keys as I played song after song. It was utterly fantastic. In the quiet of the night, with the house pretty much all to myself-there was only silence. Save for the hauntingly beautiful sound that piano makes as it fills the home and the heart with memories and sounds long missed.

I'm such a gluten

"Let me be your wings. Let me be your only love. Let me take you far beyond the stars. Anything that you desire, anything at all. Everyday I'll take you higher, and I'll never let you fall. Heaven isn't too far. Heaven is where you are. Fly with me and let me be your wings.
~ * ~
Geez, I'm almost 22 and still madly in love with the idea of a happily ever after. I always loved the thought of being swept away by the man of my freams. But I don't believe in that stuff anymore. I think my mom passing away did that. Not having the one here who said it was okay to believe does that.
~ * ~
Someone...please...be my wings...

One Month already?

I can't believe you've already been gone a whole month. It's so unfair. I love Mojo to pieces, but you were one of a kind Watson. I love you little man. Today I remember you. Till we meet again little guy. I love you westie! I love you.

When Death comes knocking...

Another life has been taken today while another life hangs on. A mother in shock. A sister whose life has just been shattered. A father trying to keep his remaining family members together.And friends and loved ones stuck feeling helpless. Speaking fro experience, both roles are incredibly horrible to have to go through.

[Edit: My Follow Up]
I can't even begin to imagine the horrible phone call or knock at your door and having an officer of the law tell you the tragic news that someone you love deeply, has been killed. I now know way too many who have experienced this horrible pain. And it gets me thinking. The way my mom died was a true blessing. I got to say goodbye and tell her how much I love her and that I'd miss her dearly. I got in plenty of hugs and kisses (though it's never truly enough) and when she let go, she was surrounded by family and friends with a smile on her face. It doesn't make the fact that she's gone any less unbearable, but we as humans care so uch about the ending. And I know now, that I am very, very lucky.

Still searching...

But someday, I'll find you.

It's a really great feeling when someone you admire has such a strong passion and faith for the Lord. I love how he shares the journey of his life and love for Jesus through music. I have spent most of this night immersing myself in his songs. Such great lyrics, I love words. Instruments. Tempos and duets. I love songs that grab and hold onto the different emotions. I love lyrics in the English language as well as Italian, French, and Japanese. I love nights like these, while the rain pours down outside and I am warm inside, with some Vanilla-Chai tea and music by Vic Mignogna.



Forgive and forget, that’s what they say. It’s good advice but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us we want to be right. Without forgiveness old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is that one day we will be lucky enough to forget. And in life only one thing is certain; apart from death and taxes; no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you're going to make mistakes. You're going to hurt people, you're going to get hurt, and if you ever want to recover there's really only one thing you can say. "I forgive you."

I love falling asleep to the quiet drops of rain outside my bedroom window. It is both peaceful and comforting. And cleansing.

Finding my Mojo

Mojo the mini schnauzer that is! My dad and I just got him from the Kitsap Humane Society yesterday and it was love at first sight for both of us. He's no Watson, but he's filling the hole in my heart that misses and longs for it's westie. I know both my mom and Watty want me to smile again and Mojo has caused me to do just that. :)

The time to start is now. (So DO something!!)

I run and run a thousand miles. And now I'm barely breathing. Only the fuel of a "passioned" heart, keeps this body strong and moving forward. But could it be I've found a place to rest, how far until I'm okay? Trees of the town reveal the time has come; once again to shift our shade and colors. The world always changes around us, but weakness will always remain. Through all the pain. Believe in; who we are right here and now. Raise one hand to the sky lift them both raise them high!- and you'll cut through the darkness, make it it go! The time to start is now. And I can show you how. Start with me and the world will be even bigger then ever before.

Ah, what a good pick-me-up considering the last few days have been very down. Hello world, I'm back!

Warning: Topic is upsetting.

Rather then humankind, it should be humanUNkind. I have been working with 'VideoVounteers' outreach for Animals on YouTube (by the way, we are now also outreaching to those who are in need of food and shelter...World Hunger. Yes! Support!) and I just happened to watch what I thought was another 'tear jerker' video about awareness on animal abuse. There was no graphic warning in the description. What I just witnessed tonight was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever seen. Not to mention it caused me to puke (and I closed my eyes and fast forwarded too, but trust me, it wasn't too hard to figure out what was happening.)
WARNING! Please do NOT continue reading if you do not to hear about gore. WARNING!
I view animals like I do children. Seriously. to me, they have this in common;they are both defenseless and innocent. They are harmed at the hands of stupid adults with no way to really defend themselves, and no real understanding of why these things are happening to them. SICK! A dog being beaten because kids find it humorous and then being killed by authorities because it attacked the stupid shits. Another dog being starved to death because it's a form of art. For four days this creature is tied to a post, starved of food and water while local "artists" admire the "artwork" until it dies. A kitten...a KITTEN, an adorable little life who just wants to be loved is decapitated while it is still alive. And the sickos who catch these horrific events on film just watch and do nothing. This America, is NOT OKAY!! I know it's horrifying to even think about, but it's the cold hard truth people. And there are children around the world that are experiencing horrific torture like this too. It's heartbreaking!! It's cruel! It's disgusting!! And it brings tears to my eyes for I know what I witnessed tonight will stick with me for a long time. But if we all just turn the other way... hello! That doesn't solve anything people. Wake up America, it's a cruel world I know, but that doesn't mean we can't at least make a difference in one life!
"I must ask, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man. To this, the little boy replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die." Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!" Discouraged he began to walk away. Suddenly the little boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."
I love animals. Cats, dogs, birds, guinea pigs, turtles, elephants, seals, you name it. God, love the dear animals and children who are being mistreated, beaten, starved, neglected. When their lives are taken meet them at the gate and take their pain and suffering away and love them. Do not let the wicked and the sinful win. I am one person, but I can make a difference. And I will. May at least one life be better by me.

Rant

I seriously HATE being the only girl. I hate it that my mom is gone. I hate that I'm stuck living with 2 guys who pretty much have the 'whatever' attitude. I hate that I worry about them more then they know or care. I hate that one and I are always bickering about the dumbest shit and the other one could care less that I'm here or not. I just hate my life without my mom. I really hate life without my Watson. I've gotten used to nights like these where I'm sick and tired of the family situation I'm in and not have my mom here...sort of. Up until a couple weeks ago, I could just go into my room, close my door, collapse on my bed and get showered by kisses. Whether I was right or wrong; Watson loved me. Now I'm just stuck sitting here in my room by myself in the dark, wishing my unconditional kisses would come. But they won't come. Never again. I HATE this,